These past few days have honestly been some of the most trying and scary days of my life.
Last Thursday afternoon, I casually mentioned to the nurse that I had been experiencing some light spotting and cramping and asked if that was normal (because I'd read online that it was), and to my chagrin, she told me that no bleeding during pregnancy was normal and I should go to the ER right away to get it checked out. 5 hours and a pint of blood later, we were told heart-breaking news: there was, most likely, not going to be a normal pregnancy that would result in a baby.
That was how the doctor worded it- not a normal pregnancy.
Basically they ran all of my blood tests and did a myriad of awkward Russian ultrasounds and found nothing. (The ultrasounds weren't Russian, the technician was, and boy was she friendly.) For how high my pregnancy hormones are, they should definitely be able to see the baby forming, and instead they just found the little pouch where it was supposed to be but no baby :(
It could be a few different options, some worse than others, but still all very sad and heart-wrenching. I will not lie and tell you it has been easy, but it has not broken us, nor will it.
I am very much convinced that, despite the sometimes overwhelming pain and sense of loss, this has all happened for a reason and that we are still
very much loved and taken care of.
All of that being said, I've been a complete shut-in until now, avoiding all technology and anything that could possibly remind me of real life and what had happened. Times like this remind me how much of a solace that books are. It is an incredible gift that authors give us, to be able to crack the cover of a book and instantly be in another world and time where the problems and dilemmas are not your own.
Books, if I have not told you sooner: I delight in you.
I've read a few books lately, but I wanted to specifically feature a book called Shades of Grey by Jasper Fforde. Not only does it have awesome cover art
But it is also crazy well written and to date, one of my favorite sci-fi, oppression/revolution, dramas I've ever read. Which is saying something.
The book opens to a society where everything is based upon what color you can see. Everyone can see only one dominant color, and whatever color that is determines your social standing, who you can speak to, marry, be friends w/ etc. It centers on the life of Eddie Russet, a "Red" who has never known anything but rules and doing everything possible to benefit the collective. Each chapter begins with one rule out of countless rules, of said collective. Some of my favorites are:
9.3.88.32.025: The cucumber and the tomato are both
fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary
requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the
month a chicken is officially a vegetable.
1.31.01.06: Anyone caught paying underprice or overprice
for goods or services shall be fined.
2.5.03.16.81: Lighting Avoidance Drill is to be practiced at
least once a week.
On top of being obsessed with color, real and artificial, the society presented is also indelibly preoccupied with three things: lighting strikes, swan attacks, and spoons.
 |
| equals awesome. |
All of the rules, over time and word of mouth and clerical error, have eventually become a confusing mass of strict procedures that cannot be questioned, or changed, and have become often amusingly out of date. As such, the manufacture of spoons has been forbidden which has caused a massive shortage of them. Spoons have become a precious item, and everyone that can afford it carries one at all times with their ID number stamped into it so it can not be lost. On top of that, every so often the government enforces a strict technological turn back, where they out law modern technology in an effort to keep the citizens silent and reliant on the collective.
The story goes on to tell how Eddie meets a Grey, named Jane, who, while rough around the edges, captivates Eddie's thoughts, and eventually leads him to discover a entire new mind set and changes his future forever. The whole book is extremely imaginative, and completely hilarious. I highly recommend it. It was a great reminder not to blindly follow without questioning and that rules, while in place to secure out safety and well-being, need contsant reform with the changing of times. In honor of Shades of Grey and my own love of old cutlery, I put together a list of spoon related etsy finds and even a couple from my own house below!
1. Antique Silver Serving Pieces can be found at
2. Gorgeous Vintage Spoon Ring at
3. Sweet Big and Little Spoon Embroidery
4. Pretty Antique Flatware Drawing
5. The sweetest ever, "Loved Beyond Measure" print at
6. And this teeny tiny baking pan and measuring spoon charm necklace:
And from my own house:
<3
We go in for more ultrasounds this Friday, and I will update the blog as soon as I know more. I hope you all have a lovely day, and thank you so much for reading!
