Sorry for the long blog absence. We’ve been going through some rough times and it‘s been hard to find words. Last Thursday we went to the ER again for heavy bleeding, and 13 hours later left much worse for wear. With my hormone count at almost 50,000, they still couldn’t find a heartbeat, and the ultrasound results had not changed. They ended up doing a suction D and C, which is where they remove the remaining tissue from the uterus after a failed pregnancy. It was all very scary and sad, but we’re slowly recovering and recouping. And let me tell you, without the love and devotion of my husband, and the ever present peace of our God, we wouldn’t have made it. Speaking of which, He is risen! Easter Sunday was yesterday, so these pictures are a little late, but I wore for the first time my darling Piano Lesson Dress, by Elsie at Red Velvet, who also writes one of my most favorite blogs of all time! http://abeautifulmess.typepad.com/ :)
The dress was an anniversary gift from my Yeti, so thank you!! <3
I’ve never been “put under” before, or had any surgical procedures of any kind for that matter before, so it was all very strange. Waking up from the anesthesia, before I even opened my eyes, I was calling for “Yeti, my husband, yeti.” which confused the nurses some, heh. When me and Calvin were in High school, we used to myspace chat or IM every night that we could, sometimes even until the sun was rising. One conversation, he was saying how he never wore a jacket because he never gets cold, so we started calling him Yeti. I called him “my yeti” which of course meant I was flirting, but he didn’t get that until years later lol. And because I’m just generally a little on the violent side and have super sharp incisors, he started calling me vampress, (vampire princess, tehe) which of course meant he was flirting, and I definitely knew it ^_^. Fast forward a few years, we’re Yeti and the Vamp, and I’m more used to calling him Yeti than Calvin. So calling for my yeti at the hospital was very normal to me and very confusing the the staff . Eventually, I came around, and after a life-changing grape popsicle, was feeling much more myself. A few wobbly knee’d hours later, we got to go home and try to recover emotionally, as well as physically.

Clarification: snow, not dandruff.
I’m having some residual weird cramping and had an extremely scratched up throat from the breathing tube they put in, but other than that we’ve been doing okay. It still hurts to see baby commercials, and happy moms with adorably dressed bundles in their arms, but I know that this isn’t the end. We still have a whole future of babies and grand babies to look forward to, and honestly, even if we never can have any, I am wholly fulfilled by the love and adoration to and from my husband, family, and creator.
Yes, I know I have very bent pinky fingers :P
 As you can see, I couldn't really decide how to style the dress completely, so I did a few different options :P Also, cute tiny one polka dot nails! Hehe.

 I know with most blogs that it’s generally frowned upon to not be Mrs. Uppity Optimism all the time, which is why I’ve been reluctant to post details of everything that’s happened lately. But I trust that you guys can bear with me through the rough times, because there are surely brighter days ahead, promise.

Also, one a side note:
I bought this amazing old super heavy metal Brother sewing machine at a thrift store, for only ten dollars! I hope to learn how to do some clothes altering soon, after my mom teaches me how to use it! :)
And, while thrifting, we found a couple new ugly owl figurines to add to my collection. They're the two cat looking ones on the bottom shelf. Collecting these little guys has been a hobby of mine for a couple of years now. I know they’re nothing much to most people, but their sentimental value vastly outweighs their monetary value! I love each of them so much! :)

Thanks so much for reading, and, as always, feel free to follow, comment, and share! Have a great day! :)


  1. Macy,

    I am so sorry for all you have had to go through but I am very proud of how you have handled all of this, sweetie. To quote a song I heard on the way home from the hospital that Wednesday night:
    When the waves are taking you under
    Hold on just a little bit longer
    He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
    The pain ain’t gonna last forever
    And things can only get better
    Believe me
    This is gonna make you stronger
    ‘Cause if He started this work in your life
    He will be faithful to complete it
    If only you believe it
    He knows how much it hurts
    And I’m sure that He’s gonna help you get through this

    God knows all--trust in Him and never lose hope.
    There are brighter days ahead.
    I love you.

  2. Thanks Momma, that song made me cry! The lyrics are just perfect. It's funny the way the lord works that out.
    Its been really hard and sad sometimes, but we haven't, nor will we lose hope! I love you, thank you for loving me and taking the time to comment :)

    Your Macy Moo

  3. So sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers and am sending good thoughts of hope & healing.

  4. Thank you so much, Dawn. That's really sweet of you! We keep reminding ourselves that everything happens for a reason, and that God has woven our story flawlessly. Everyone's support means so much :)

  5. Oh no... Sorry this happened, my good friend. Another of my friends went through the same thing earlier this year or last year. If I were the religious kind, I would pray for you. I have faith it will happen for you both eventually. I believe any child in this world would be blessed to have you two as their parents, and your children will pass on stories about how amazing you both were which will pervade through your family long after you're gone.

    -TheOnlyHellGod from YouTube.

  6. Thank you so much, sir. It was super rough, but it's getting better every day. I too, have hope that we will have a child when the time is right, and hopefully our name will be passed along the generations, teheh. Thank you so much for following too! :D

  7. My fiance and I lost a baby at 4 weeks along. I had lost an angel, before I knew I had one. :/

    We try moving on but we know everything that could have been. And what isn't.

    We are strong 99% of the time. But that 1% just eats us up some days.

    I'm glad you two are moving on stronger. <3
    Everything does have it's reasons. :]

  8. I know exactly what you mean. It's rough, losing something you never knew you wanted :/

    It's not an easy journey for sure, but I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing, I know we have bright futures ahead :)