Healing

Sorry for the long blog absence. We’ve been going through some rough times and it‘s been hard to find words. Last Thursday we went to the ER again for heavy bleeding, and 13 hours later left much worse for wear. With my hormone count at almost 50,000, they still couldn’t find a heartbeat, and the ultrasound results had not changed. They ended up doing a suction D and C, which is where they remove the remaining tissue from the uterus after a failed pregnancy. It was all very scary and sad, but we’re slowly recovering and recouping. And let me tell you, without the love and devotion of my husband, and the ever present peace of our God, we wouldn’t have made it. Speaking of which, He is risen! Easter Sunday was yesterday, so these pictures are a little late, but I wore for the first time my darling Piano Lesson Dress, by Elsie at Red Velvet, who also writes one of my most favorite blogs of all time! http://abeautifulmess.typepad.com/ :)

The dress was an anniversary gift from my Yeti, so thank you!! <3

I’ve never been “put under” before, or had any surgical procedures of any kind for that matter before, so it was all very strange. Waking up from the anesthesia, before I even opened my eyes, I was calling for “Yeti, my husband, yeti.” which confused the nurses some, heh. When me and Calvin were in High school, we used to myspace chat or IM every night that we could, sometimes even until the sun was rising. One conversation, he was saying how he never wore a jacket because he never gets cold, so we started calling him Yeti. I called him “my yeti” which of course meant I was flirting, but he didn’t get that until years later lol. And because I’m just generally a little on the violent side and have super sharp incisors, he started calling me vampress, (vampire princess, tehe) which of course meant he was flirting, and I definitely knew it ^_^. Fast forward a few years, we’re Yeti and the Vamp, and I’m more used to calling him Yeti than Calvin. So calling for my yeti at the hospital was very normal to me and very confusing the the staff . Eventually, I came around, and after a life-changing grape popsicle, was feeling much more myself. A few wobbly knee’d hours later, we got to go home and try to recover emotionally, as well as physically.

Clarification: snow, not dandruff.

I’m having some residual weird cramping and had an extremely scratched up throat from the breathing tube they put in, but other than that we’ve been doing okay. It still hurts to see baby commercials, and happy moms with adorably dressed bundles in their arms, but I know that this isn’t the end. We still have a whole future of babies and grand babies to look forward to, and honestly, even if we never can have any, I am wholly fulfilled by the love and adoration to and from my husband, family, and creator.

 

Yes, I know I have very bent pinky fingers :P

 As you can see, I couldn't really decide how to style the dress completely, so I did a few different options :P Also, cute tiny one polka dot nails! Hehe.

 I know with most blogs that it’s generally frowned upon to not be Mrs. Uppity Optimism all the time, which is why I’ve been reluctant to post details of everything that’s happened lately. But I trust that you guys can bear with me through the rough times, because there are surely brighter days ahead, promise.

Also, one a side note:

I bought this amazing old super heavy metal Brother sewing machine at a thrift store, for only ten dollars! I hope to learn how to do some clothes altering soon, after my mom teaches me how to use it! :)

　

And, while thrifting, we found a couple new ugly owl figurines to add to my collection. They're the two cat looking ones on the bottom shelf. Collecting these little guys has been a hobby of mine for a couple of years now. I know they’re nothing much to most people, but their sentimental value vastly outweighs their monetary value! I love each of them so much! :)

Thanks so much for reading, and, as always, feel free to follow, comment, and share! Have a great day! :)