So this is a post that I've been both wanting to write and 'taking out the trash after a week' dreaded. So I'm just gonna spill it out and tell you how I honestly feel on this subject and if you get angry or hurt or disagree, feel free to leave it all it the comments.
|Plus, here's a new picture of our faces :)|
This is the subject of my long standing blogger torment: boys.
Though I would love to have met Calvin while we were infants, and adorable cuddled best friend loved him into adulthood and marriage- this was sadly not the case. I didn't meet Calvin until I had been through some hardships. First world hardships of course, like not getting asked to a dance, and cheated on, and maybe even arrested? (another story for another time). But at the time they were HUGE deals to me and I feel like they impact me a lot to this day so I wanted to share them and get everything all out there because I want this to be a place of honesty and camaraderie and you can't do that when you're only showing the shiny glossy outsides.
I also want to preface all of this by saying this is my personal opinion on a very personal subject, an opinion which would surely differ from person to person, relationship to relationship. Everyone is different. But this is the advice I would give my kids, and it's been advice I've thought I had to share for a while, so here goes.
Don't date whishy-washy, confused people.
1.lacking in decisiveness; without strength or character; irresolute.
For me, this more specifically meant Christian Musicians. I found that they are very conflicted in nature. Musicians generally want the spotlight- crave the adoration of their words or notes falling on appreciating ears. Christians, by nature, should want to shine the spotlight on a higher source. Combine the two, throw in teenaged hormones and you can have a very emotionally volatile mix. In my experience, they will be a heated frustrated mass of ego and good intentions and sin and self hatred and disappointment and inspiration. And they will (unintentionally) try their hardest to take you down with them. Confusion and frustration are contagious, especially when the heart is concerned. They are usually hopeless romantics and will try so hard to promise you the world, but at the end of the day they are more important to them than you are. Their career and their reputation and in the end, their happiness. (It may be very different for people of this title at different ages, but I am referencing only people of my general age- the 17-25 group, I would say).
If you do find yourself in the position of falling over this boy (or girl), be careful. And if you find yourself in the position of already loving this person and being loved in return and not having any of the aforementioned problems, tell me to shove it. Because you might totally be the kind of woman (or man) who can deal with this. You may be strong and confident and have you almost all the way figured out and if that's the case, you can just let my words float right away. But I wasn't that girl, at that age. I was kind of a wreck. My head and heart was a knotted mess of hope and rebellion. It ached for approval and commitment. It ached for a rock to stand on, even though it had one all along. I was search search searching for a way to be desirable when I was loved beyond measure from the beginning. And I had to be straight up devastated before understanding that.
So my advice is, if you are a girl who wants to be adored, who isn't particularly confident or masterfully skilled, who is awkward in social surroundings, unsure at best, self loathing at worst- do NOT date this type. Don't. Just save yourself the heartache. It took me yeeeeaaarrrs of frustration during what should have been a really fun and memorable time in my life to figure this out but I am so glad I did. I found a best friend in Calvin that I never knew was possible. The best kind of best friend ^_^ And I'm never looking back.
But if you are that girl and are already hopelessly in like over a boy who doesn't give your feelings the time of day- that boy whose words and actions never match up but you're so sure he has a good heart and doesn't mean it when he rips yours to pieces, do yourself a favor- forget about him. You are helping no one by putting yourself in harm's way. That is the biggest piece of advice that I wish someone would have given me (not that I would have listened heh). I always thought I was helping, that I would be the one to solve everyone's pain and hold their broken hearts together, but I finally realized that that wasn't healthy and that it wasn't possible, either. That in the end it would just exhaust me and tear down my spirit. Instead, focus on you and strengthening the good relationships you have going already. Strengthen your hobbies and interests- work on making your heart full and strong until a boy who will treasure it comes along. Because trust me, he will. (And it'll be no fun dealing with all of your emotional baggage from those mistakes once he does.)
So if you're a boy who is stringing along a girl for any reason- so as not to hurt her feelings, to satiate your ego, or to have a 'safety net' girl to fall back on, you are making a terrible freaking mistake. That girl is daughter to a King and she deserves to be honored as one. So, there's my spiel. Hope it wasn't too offending. But if it is, this is my blog, to be filled with my thoughts- not just pretty pictures :)
I hope you have a lovely day. And I genuinely hope you write me if you feel you have something to say on this subject. We're here to talk to each other, after all.
All the Best,